Red Flags in Therapy: Recognizing When Your Psychotherapist May Not Be a Good Fit for You

Have you ever left a therapy session feeling uneasy, unheard, or even disrespected? While therapy is meant to help, sometimes a therapist just isn’t the right fit—or worse, they display clear red flags that can harm your healing journey.

Therapy is designed to be a transformative experience, offering a space for self-reflection, healing, and growth. However, not all therapy experiences are positive. Just as with any professional relationship, it’s important to recognize when a psychotherapist is not providing the support you need. Whether it’s a lack of professionalism, unethical behavior, or just a poor fit, recognizing the red flags in therapy early can save you from unnecessary emotional distress, help you protect your mental well-being, and save you time and money.

In this blog, we’ll explore the common red flags in therapy, explain why they matter, and offer actionable steps to take if you notice any of them. As we described in a previous blog, “Navigating Therapist Credentials: What to Consider when Choosing a Therapist,” all therapists are not the same. At TherapyCloud, our mission is to create an educated consumer so that you know when a therapist is and is not the right fit for you, whether you found them through our Therapist Directory or not. Therefore, the purpose of this guide is to help you ensure that your therapy journey is as beneficial as possible.

What Are Red Flags in Therapy?

When it comes to therapy, red flags are warning signs that your therapist may not be acting in your best interest or providing the kind of professional care that you deserve. Therapy is a space meant to support your mental health, and if a therapist exhibits behavior that feels unprofessional, unethical, or harmful, it’s essential to acknowledge and address it. These red flags can take many forms. Identifying them early ensures that you don’t waste time, energy, or resources in a therapeutic relationship that isn’t working for you.

1. Crossing Professional Boundaries

In any therapeutic relationship, boundaries are essential. A therapist should provide a safe space where you feel respected and able to explore your emotions and experiences without fear of judgment. A breach of these boundaries can jeopardize the integrity of the relationship and hinder your progress.

What to Watch For:

• Over-sharing personal stories: Your therapist’s role is to focus on you—not to make your session about them. If they share personal anecdotes that feel     excessive or irrelevant, it may be an indication they’re not maintaining the healthy professional distance that is required by their professional license.‍
• Unwanted physical contact: Therapy should always include physical distance unless otherwise explicitly discussed. Any inappropriate touch, even if it’s meant as comforting and particularly if permission is not asked first is a significant red flag and can also be an indication that your therapist is not trauma-informed.‍
• Excessive contact outside of sessions: If your therapist reaches out to you too often through text, phone calls, or other means, it may be a sign they’re overstepping their professional boundaries.

Boundaries are the foundation of a trusting therapeutic relationship. If you feel like they are being violated in any way, it’s crucial to address it with your therapist or consider finding a new one.

2. Breaching Confidentiality

You have probably heard of “HIPAA” federal privacy law, which stands for the “Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act” . This required confidentiality regarding services is of the utmost importance in therapy. This is because part of what makes therapy so powerful is the ability to discuss difficult and sometimes embarrassing things with your therapist that you know will stay between you two(unless you’re at risk of harm to yourself or others, which is an exception to confidentiality law). If a therapist violates this trust, in addition to being a violation of federal law, it can deeply damage the therapeutic process and leave you feeling exposed.

What to Watch For:

• Sharing your information with others without consent: Your therapist should never discuss what you’ve said with other people, whether it’s a colleague or a friend. If they do, this is a breach of confidentiality. Even confirming or denying that they know who you are can be a breach of your privacy.‍
• Discussing clients in public settings: If your therapist casually mentions clients or their problems in places outside of the therapy room, it’s a major violation of your trust and confidentiality.

If you suspect your therapist has breached the legal boundary of your privacy, it’s critical to address this immediately.

3. Giving Unqualified or Harmful Advice

A therapist is there to guide you with expertise, knowledge, and empathy—not to offer advice that could be harmful or that is outside of their qualifications (although we realize that all of the qualifications of therapists can be very confusing. So, we have saved you some headache and created a guide that you can view here).Therapy is driven by research that identify best practices. So, your therapist should never suggest anything that isn’t in your best interest.

What to Watch For:

• Suggesting unproven therapies or practices: Therapists should be using evidence-based methods, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or trauma-focused therapy. (Learn more about the various types here). If your therapist promotes techniques that have little or no scientific backing, it’s a red flag.‍
• Encouraging harmful behavior: A therapist should never advise you to avoid necessary treatment, ignore medical concerns, or participate in unhealthy behaviors. If this occurs, seek help elsewhere.

Therapy is about growth and healing—not about promoting untested or harmful advice. If something doesn’t sit right, don’t hesitate to question it.

4. Disrespecting Your Autonomy

Therapy should be about you and your goals. While a therapist is there to offer guidance, you should always feel empowered to make decisions about your life and your healing process. A therapist who disrespects your autonomy can create a harmful power dynamic that leaves you feeling disempowered.

What to Watch For:

• Trying to control your decisions: If your therapist pressures you into specific decisions or solutions that don’t align with your needs or goals, especially if this persists after you bring this to their attention, it’s a red flag.
• Ignoring your boundaries or pace: Therapy should always move at a pace you’re comfortable with. If your therapist pushes you to dive into topics or emotions too quickly, in addition to not being trauma-informed, this can be damaging to your progress and comfort.‍
• Projecting their beliefs: We all have perspectives and beliefs that shape us. However, therapists are trained to remain objective. If a therapist is projecting one's beliefs (e.g. political, religious), this is a warning sign.

Your therapist is a guide, but you should always be the one leading the charge when it comes to your personal growth. If you feel like your therapist is controlling your therapy or pushing you too hard, it’s important to consider if the professional relationship is the right one for you.

5. Unprofessional Behavior

Professionalism is non-negotiable in therapy. It’s essential that your therapist conducts themselves in a way that makes you feel comfortable and safe. If they are regularly unprofessional, it can affect your trust in them and hinder your progress.

What to Watch For:

• Frequent cancellations or tardiness: If your therapist cancels last-minute or shows up late to sessions regularly, it can indicate a lack of respect for your time and your mental health.‍
• Being unprepared: If your therapist seems disinterested or disengaged, forgets key details from previous sessions, or doesn’t seem focused on your needs, it can signal a lack of commitment to your healing.
• Inappropriate language or humor: While therapy should be a safe space, it should also be a professional one. Any language or behavior that feels unprofessional, inappropriate, disrespectful, or prejudicial is a clear red flag.‍
• Distractions: Your therapist should be fully focused on you during your sessions. Distractions, such as your therapist answering phone calls or being on their computer, are signs that they aren't fully present for you.‍
• Falling sleep: A recent article published by The New York Times documented behaviors of "bad therapists" to include falling asleep. This is an obvious red flag and a "no-no" for any therapist.

Your therapist should show up prepared, on time, and with respect for you and your time.

6. Emotional or Sexual Exploitation

Unfortunately, emotional or sexual exploitation can occur in therapy. It is actually the most common reason for a therapist to lose their license to practice. Because of the inherent power dynamics of therapy, it’s essential that therapists always uphold ethical standards and maintain a professional distance.

What to Watch For:

• Emotional manipulation: If your therapist uses your vulnerabilities for their own gain (e.g. emotional, financial, etc.) or makes you feel guilty or manipulated in any way, this is a serious red flag.‍
• Sexual advances or inappropriate behavior: Any form of sexual or physical misconduct is not only unethical but also illegal. This is a major breach of trust and requires immediate action.

If you ever experience emotional manipulation or sexual advances, it’s essential to report the therapist immediately. No one should feel unsafe during therapy.

7. Lack of Progress or Clear Goals

Therapy is a journey and you should see some level of progress along the way. While some progress takes time, your therapist should always work with you to set clear goals and regularly evaluate your growth over the course of your time in therapy.

What to Watch For:

• No clear goals or direction: If your therapist never discusses goals or fails to work with you to track your progress, it can signal a lack of structure and focus.‍
• Feeling stuck for long periods: While progress in therapy can ebb and flow, if you feel you’re consistently stuck or not progressing, it may indicate the therapeutic approach is not working for you
• ‍Just nodding and smiling: While a therapist's job is mostly to listen, if your therapist is offering little feedback in sessions, particularly if you have communicated to them that you would like your therapist to take a more active role in directing progress, this might be a sign that their style is not the right fit for you.

While therapy can be short-term or long-term, it should have purpose and direction. If you feel that you’re not moving forward or that your therapist isn’t actively working on clear goals with you, it’s time for a reassessment.

8. Inconsistent or Poor Communication

Communication between you and your therapist is essential. If your therapist fails to communicate clearly or avoids difficult conversations, it can lead to frustration and a breakdown in the therapeutic relationship.

What to Watch For:

• Lack of communication: While therapy is rarely structured to include 24/7/365 crisis support, it should not be days or weeks before you hear from you therapist following a communication you have had with them outside of your appointment.
• Avoiding difficult conversations: If your therapist seems to avoid addressing important issues or concerns that you bring up, such as sexuality or religion, it can suggest they aren’t offering you the depth of services that are important for your healing.
• Inconsistent responses or feedback: If your therapist gives vague or conflicting answers to your questions, it may cause confusion and undermine the trust needed in therapy.

Effective communication is key in therapy. If your therapist is not engaging in open, honest dialogue and you frequently feel like you are not on the same page, it could be time to reconsider the relationship.

9. Financial Exploitation or Confusion

While therapy is an investment, it should always be transparent and fair. A therapist should be clear about their fees, billing procedures, and insurance policies.

What to Watch For:

• Unexplained fees: If your therapist suddenly increases their fees or adds unexpected charges without providing a clear explanation, it’s a red flag‍
• Pressuring you to purchase additional services: Your therapist should never pressure you into buying additional services, whether it’s extra sessions or other products.

Your therapist should be transparent about all costs and billing practices and is required to bill accurately and timely based on their credentials, insurance contracts, and state and federal law. If there’s ever any confusion or pressure regarding payments, it’s worth discussing.

What to Do If You Notice Red Flags

If you notice any of the above red flags in any category, it’s important to take action. Here are the steps to consider:

1. Trust Your Instincts: If something doesn’t feel right, trust your gut. Your emotional well-being is your responsibility and priority.
2. Communicate Your Concerns: If you feel comfortable, discuss your concerns directly with your therapist. A quality therapist will be open to feedback and will     be willing to change to meet your needs.‍
3. Seek Advice from Others: If you're unsure whether something is a red flag, talk to trusted friends, family, or other mental health professionals for perspective.
4. Consider Finding a New Therapist: If the red flags persist or if the therapist is not a good fit, consider finding a therapist who better aligns with your needs. Utilize our Therapist Search feature to help you see what’s out there.
5. Report the Therapist: Because laws like HIPAA and therapists’ ethical codes of conduct are inherently designed to protect those seeking services, it is your right to report your therapist to their licensing board if a red flag is egregious (e.g. privacy violation, sexual exploitation).

Conclusion

Therapy is a vital tool for self-growth and healing, but it’s essential that the relationship between you and your therapist is built on trust, professionalism, and respect. By being aware of these red flags, you can ensure that your therapy experience remains positive, effective, and supportive. Recognizing when something isn’t working and communicating that to advocate for yourself is also an important part of the process. Taking action to address or change what you need to in order to help you achieve the best possible outcome for your mental health.